50 Reasons Why ‘The Expendables 2’ Sucked

22/Nov/2012

Current Thoughts: They must have went through a shit load of Froggy Juice to make this movie.

50 Reasons Why ‘The Expendables 2’ Sucked

• The Expendables 2
• Opened August 17, 2012 | Runtime:1 hr 43 min
• R

  Strong Bloody Violence

• Information for parents: Common Sense Media says Iffy for 15+. Read More
• Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren),Toll Road (Randy Couture) and Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) — with newest members Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth) and Maggie (Yu Nan) aboard — are reunited when Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) enlists the Expendables to take on a seemingly simple job. The task looks like an easy paycheck for Barney and his band of old-school mercenaries. But when things go wrong and one of their own is viciously killed, the Expendables are compelled to seek revenge in hostile territory where the odds are stacked against them. Hell-bent on payback, the crew cuts a swath of destruction through opposing forces, wreaking havoc and shutting down an unexpected threat in the nick of time — six pounds of weapons-grade plutonium; enough to change the balance of power in the world. But that’s nothing compared to the justice they serve against the villainous adversary who savagely murdered their brother.
• Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Terry Crews,Randy Couture, Liam Hemsworth, Scott Adkins, Yu Nan, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis,Arnold Schwarzenegger, Amanda Ooms, Charisma Carpenter
• Director: Simon West
• Genres: Action/Adventure

 

1. All the horrible dub overs as they infiltrate this compound.

2. Random ramp on the top of the building for cars to fall off of.

3. Statham doesn’t stay on the .50 cal??

4. Motorcycle cycle sounding like a sport bike…

5. What a waste of a motorcycle.

6. ‘Your ass is terminated.’ Just stop.

7. Would you get electrocuted ziplining that?

8. Why are all these bad guys hanging out in the jungle by these powerlines?

9. The angle the sniper shot the guys in the jungle would not happen that way.

10. Where the fuck did they get their plane from? And so quickly too!

11. The sniper is already way out in front of the plane ready to be picked up.

12. Of course it would shoot over top of the dam, the plane’s nose is sticking up in the air.

13. Both would be so deaf after those mortar-like shells shooting off next to them.

14. I don’t think warning lights & sounds would randomly be going off in the plane right now.

15. Where’d they pick the sniper up from?

16. From China to Florida is a short jaunt.

17. This is like watching a porno, action connected with very poor dialogue.

18. Wtf, Bruce Willis could have potentially sat in that plane for like, 3 days before Stallone showed up.

19. What’s with the stagnant fog in the plane?

20. Stallone doesn’t even have to touch the throttle for that motorcycle to start, oh wait, jay-kay, it’s just the audio sync off, like usual for an action movie.

21. God that poor plane. It looked like it had enough miles to begin with…

22. Stallone’s steering of the plane, haha, the amount of bobbling it would be doing.

23. All of Billy the Kid’s pointless talking.

24. Why would you shoot to scare them away? Especially in the fog, that’s a tactic that will get you caught.

25. I love how Terry had to take off his shirt to show how big he is while keeping the door open.

26. The kick stab… What a waste of time & energy.

27. “I’m dying.” That’s when you want to go, “durr durr durr.”

28. The motherfucking Russians. Of course. Just leave ‘em alone already. I’m sick of hearing that the Russians are always starting shit like this in movies.

29. Fog in the mine too. Fog everywhere.

30. “Put (the plane) down” RIGHT HERE.

31. Random that she has the surgical set.

32. “The young man who died.” Oh you mean Billy. BILLY. Billy. The kid who told you his whole life story on the plane? Yeah, that kid.

33. Those look like explosions coming from the tank, not impacts.

34. And that was not a real tank that exploded.

35. Chuck Norris making a Chuck Norris joke. I fucking hate it.

36. Oh there’s a woman, so we are trusting now.

37. “One more” “Rest in Pieces” What a waste of fucking ammo.

38. Bad guys rack their guns & then pause to kill miners. Why? If you are supposed to kill people, you never pause to wait for someone to stop you.

39. “I’m back.” With the music from Terminator included. Ugh.

40. Why didn’t they just drive their truck straight through the helicopter? They went through an airport.

41. The amount of ammo they just wasted in the airport & they didn’t even kill anyone important.

42. Hey, a Hilux! They don’t actually sound like that btw.

43. Why is that helicopter in a hangar? Don’t you roll ‘em out before spooling them up?

44. “Kill me like a man.” Dude, just shoot him. Fucking fake pride, that just makes men in America think they are badasses.

45. Fog in the hangar now too, wtf.

46. Stupid one-liners throughout.

47. I hate when people pick up guns & the guns make a lot of noises.

48. Thanks for helping me get on the plane with a forced hand.

49. Out in public still after seeing all that money, just sit there reading the note.

50. I hope they sat there & guarded until she got the box.

Fail.