50 Reasons Why ‘The Roommate’ Sucked

26/Aug/2012

Current Thoughts: Still trying to figure out this “instant death from razor” trick…

• The Roommate
• Opened February 4, 2011 | Runtime:1 hr 33 min
• PG-13

  violence and menace, sexual content, some language and teen partying

• Information for parents: Common Sense Media says Iffy for 14+. Read More
• • An emotionally unstable college freshman (Leighton Meester) grows obsessed with her unsuspecting roommate in Danish director Christian E. Christiansen’s English-language debut.
  • Cast: Leighton Meester, Minka Kelly, Cam Gigandet, Alyson Michalka, Danneel Harris
  • Director: Christian E. Christiansen
  • Genres: Suspense/Thriller

50 Reasons Why ‘The Roommate’ Sucked

1. She’s like a 30 year old freshman.

2. You want to wait for your roommate that you haven’t met yet to show up instead of go out like a normal person?

3. Feeling dizzy? She can’t possibly be this naive about the punch.

4. Sarah is already protective of what Tracey does & they just met. Btw, the character’s full name in this is TRACEY MORGAN. Like the black guy.

5. “I’m your roommate, Rebecca.” Why are you sitting in here with the lights off like a creeper?

6. Random Emily the Strange sticker on the wall even these two look like they’ve never stepped foot in a Hot Topic before.

7. “You’re in college now. A girl’s gotta move on.” Have unprotected sex & gang bangs, try drugs, & get crabs.

8. “Frienderz”? What, is Sony not allowed to use Facebook in their movies anymore?

9. “Clubs aren’t my thing.” Instantly goes emo.

10. Lift your hat up if you can’t see.

11. “I promise I won’t abandon you, hee hee.” Let’s have some more horrible acting.

12. Sarah weirded out by the nurse art for no reason.

13. How’d you get the camera out so fast & geez, taking Myspace pics like a pro.

14. “This keeps her with me.” On my boob so when guys take money shots on my chest…

15. This chick sounds & acts too much like Jennifer Lopez. But at least J-Lo is somewhat of a better actress.

16. Cuddles? That’s the best name you could think of? No imagination whatsoever and she is supposed to be in design class.

17.  “Were you close to her?” No shit.

18. Of course, her first day at work & it explodes all over her. That’s like the first thing you learn- cover it.

19. Dude comes in, cuts in front of the line & everyone’s ok with her dropping everything just to chit chat with him.

20. Piercing an ear with dangly earrings… No. You could do it with studs because they have sharp points but these earrings would just bend & probably snap.

21. And it’s not some syrupy drip that would come out; you’d have actual red blood.

22. Really, what a shitty reaction. Tracey says she’s crazy & you’re like ‘whatevs’. You’re not at least curious?

23. If I were Tracey, the most I’d be afraid is that I’d get bullied, not fucking killed. And I’d for sure go to the fucking cops after that shit.

24. Who turns off their phone for no reason?

25. The most stupid “bet” ever. It’s like they’re in middle school. What a waste of time.

26. Now why would you leave your phone? Why does this girl even have a phone?

27. This is the most shittiest soundtrack to a movie ever by the way.

28. This “sex scene” wouldn’t have lasted this long if he really was a college guy.

29. I thought the first year you are in college you have to live on campus, in a dorm.

30. I like how some people get kneed in the balls & it’s nbd & others are down & out like Billy Zane here.

31. The band is not even the slightest bit sweaty.

32. “Only places we get booked…” Dude, you’re in college, be happy you are getting coffee shops.

33. Got a little Edward Norton here. You know how long you would have to hit yourself for it to look like you got your ass kicked? Fucking forever.

34. Never brought anyone home? As I parent I’d just think she was a lesbian.

35. Sarah making a beeline for her drawing pad. ALWAYS wait at least 5 minutes after someone leaves. Christ.

36. Wanting to know what this medication is. Ugh. GOOGLE THAT SHIT ON YOUR CELL PHONE. Does she even know she has a phone?

37. “Rick” would be burning just for having gasoline on him, she doesn’t even have to set him on fire.

38. I’m surprised Sarah doesn’t say anything at all about the tattoo right then & there. Any other person would probably have a shit fit.

39. Thank God Rebecca already had hair dye, her necklace, & her tattoo that’s already apparently healed. So convenient.

40. Btw that’s a very obvious temporary tattoo.

41. They aren’t really stabs because it’s a razor, so they’re like, short, shallow ones. You’d really have to work at it to kill him.

42. Sarah doesn’t believe in light switches.

43. That’s a strong ass curtain.

44. Screams & shots fired & no one in the building is turning on their lights to investigate or poke their heads out or even yell “are you ok?”

45. Sarah, the gun is not firing. Quit trying & don’t wait for her to attack you like you are doing now.

46. One little razor stab in the back. It’s like an inch & a half blade & she’s down & dead.

47. Rebecca’s hair in her face- go to Sarah- back to Rebecca & BAM that hair is gone.

48. Chains always come off so easily in movies.

49. I’m disappointed we don’t find out why Rebecca is crazy or her back story. She is the only interesting character in this movie.

50. Sarah going back to a dorm.

FAIL.

50 Reasons Why ‘The Hunger Games’ Sucked

20/Aug/2012
Current Thoughts: Still not quite understanding the big hype.

The Hunger Games

Opened March 23, 2012 | Runtime:2 hr 22 min

PG-13
Intense violent thematic material and disturbing images – all involving teens

Information for parents: Common Sense Media says Iffy for 13+. Read More

Every year in the ruins of what was once North America, the Capitol of the nation of Panem forces each of its twelve districts to send a teenage boy and girl to compete in the Hunger Games. A twisted punishment for a past uprising and an ongoing government intimidation tactic, The Hunger Games are a nationally televised event in which “Tributes” must fight with one another until one survivor remains. Sixteen year old Katniss Everdeen volunteers in her younger sister’s place to enter the games, and is forced to rely upon her sharp instincts as well as the mentorship of drunken former victor Haymitch Abernathy when she’s pitted against highly-trained Tributes who have prepared for these Games their entire lives. If she’s ever to return home to District 12, Katniss must make impossible choices in the arena that weigh survival against humanity and life against love.

Cast: Jennifer Lawrence , Josh Hutcherson , Liam Hemsworth , Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks,Lenny Kravitz, Stanley Tucci, Donald Sutherland
Director: Gary Ross
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama

Real quick, just want to point out that this 50 is based off the MOVIE ONLY. That means we NEVER READ THE BOOKS. Pretend as if there were no such things as the books & someone just made this up as a movie. We have to clarify this sometimes because there are retards out there that have to leave a comment going “hurr durr if you read the book”. This isn’t a website on reviews about movies that came from books. We aren’t comparing jack shit. Ok, moving on…

 

50 Reasons Why ‘The Hunger Games’ Sucked
1. This movie is supposed to be 2 ½ hours long & they STILL have to add shit that I have to read in the beginning. I highly doubt it’s that deep.
2. Stereotypical cat randomly hissing.
3. Why doesn’t anyone else slip through this fence since it’s no big deal for her & it’s not even electric.
4. That sure does look like an expensive jacket & really nice boots for her being poor & all.

5. Should have known you were upwind. Amateur.
6. She can get the bird in midair but not the deer trotting away.
7. I’d take a squirrel over bread. Bread will leave you hungry in 2.5 seconds.
8. Looks like a Mormon concentration camp.

9. Everyone’s all mopey. They should be used to this. Or not have kids.
10. So if your name gets called you suddenly have the plague because no one wants to be around you.
11. Not really a hat, more like a flower.

12. Katniss is more of a mother than her actual mother.
13. How’d Gale get in to say goodbye to her when they made a big deal about her seeing her actual family?
14. 2^nd flashback & I already don’t care to find out the relationship with these two.
15. Who the fuck casted this movie, it’s so random.
16. Where did the black kid bludgeon the Asian? In the chest? His head is completely intact.
17. Seneca’s got a lot of work into that beard. Hopefully he only does it around The Hunger Games because I would have shaved it all off. Too much effort.

18. District 12 are the ones that look good. The others look like they went into Party City looking for the mock Lady Gaga outfits.
19. Why would you want to look at a street full of people. Those screens are supposed to be serene.
20. About fucking time we find out about these Katniss & Peeta.

21. Painting on camo: because he’s going to have all the time in the world out there to do that. Pathetic foreshadowing regardless.

22. God, just shoot the apple already; quit staring at it.
23. I’m sick of Woody calling her ‘sweetheart’.
24. I also hate this foreshadowing of Rue being important. I get it; you don’t have to keep randomly showing her.
25. Hope. Hope for what?
26. Peeta started off well on tv & totally made it awkward. Josh Hutcherson is a little bitch in every role he plays though, so this isn’t too surprising, it was just a matter of when.
27. No one cares to ask about the tracker except her. That shit would be coming out of me asap.

28. Cinnabon: “I’m not allowed to bet, but if I did, I’d bet on you.” Do you say that to all the girls you dress?

29. The guy counting down “25, 24, 23, hold on a sec *coucgh cough* let me get a drink of water, 22, 21…”
30. I don’t know why this is such a big girl power movie. All the teeny boppers have to actually learn skills. You aren’t born like this.
31. Alliances forming? They were already in cliques to begin with. Someone wasn’t paying attention.
32. I like how Katniss always finds the perfect trees to sleep in.
33. Shooting fireballs at her, burning her leg. You couldn’t just send someone out there to be like, “Uh hey, you gotta turn around.” That’s kind of missing the point of the game. The kids are supposed to be hurting & killing, you are mediating.
34. Wtf was that lizard doing in the woods.
35. I think anyone else would have fallen out of this tree by now trying to get to the wasps.
36. So these bee things are already gone AND rigor mortis is already setting in.
37. Because Mockingjays don’t make noise any other time.
38. Katniss breathing out even though she’s drawing her bow out a second time, aiming at the fruit.
39. Kind of weird the pile of stuff blew up & not the mines around the pile of stuff.
40. Rue & her sitting there but Rue’s killer’s cannon hasn’t gone off. Rue’s cannon hasn’t gone off either? That guy on a break or something/
41. I’m surprised Katniss’ arrows didn’t fall out when she threw herself on Rue’s body. In my quiver they would have.
42. Change the rules like that after 74 years?
43. Gale- disappointed by their kiss, but seriously- you didn’t ever attempt that when you were around her, you just gave her bread. That’s not a panny dropper, so get over it, and find someone else.
44 I like how everything is in ointment form. No matter what your problem is.
45. Really? You’re adding a pig dog thing? That’s not the game then. Again, the kids are supposed to be killing each other. If you are bored & want it to end quicker, then you should have just made the map smaller.
46. She hasn’t shot Cato already. You can shoot him any time now. Getting’ bored.
47. I would have thought the arrow would go through his hand & into Cato’s neck.
48. ADD with her braid.
49. Peeta didn’t get a crown.

50. Yeah, 2 hours & this could have been chopped a lot. Into a normal length  movie at least.
FAIL.

50 Reasons Why ‘Wrath of the Titans’ Sucked

15/Aug/2012

Current Thoughts: DISNEY did a better job at portraying Greek Mythology.

Wrath of the Titans

• Opened March 30, 2012 | Runtime:1 hr 39 min
• PG-13

  Intense Seq of Fantasy Action and Intense Seq Fantasy Violence

• Information for parents: Common Sense Media says OK for kids 13+. Read More
• Sequel to the 2010 remake starring Sam Worthington as Perseus, who was born of a god but raised as a man and sought revenge for the death his family at the hand of Hades (Ralph Fiennes), the vengeful god of the underworld.
• Cast: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Edgar Ramirez, Toby Kebbell, Rosamund Pike, Bill Nighy, Danny Huston
• Director: Jonathan Liebesman
• Genres: Action/Adventure

50 Reasons Why ‘Wrath of the Titans’ Sucked

1. Defeated the Kraken? Barely. That thing was pathetic; I wouldn’t even talk about it.

2. Of course he’s a single father.

3. Wtf are you wearing Zeus?

4. Zeus: “1/2 human, you’re stronger than a god.” Yeah, yeah I know. I know. I hope you don’t tell me another 5 times throughout this movie.

5. I just don’t get how Perseus is the ONLY ONE that can every do anything about anything. These Gods are pathetic.

6. Zeus, what did you expect, waltzing into Tartarus like that?

7. How’d Perseus dawn armor so quickly? He just started running.

8. That’s some awesome wood AND his fingers aren’t burnt.

9. Fucking thing randomly gets tangled in some chain…

10. Really? I gotta carry the big ass scepter now? Thanks Poseidon.

11. Don’t really understand why Pegasus has to gallop while flying.

12. And you’d think his wingspan would be a little bit bigger to help him fly; he’s not very graceful.

13. So he waited for her to get all pretty before going into the prison cell…

14. Oh well, that’s convenient; a travel trident, folds out from being pocket sized.

15. Can’t Agenor speed that shit up then, since he can change direction & what not? You kinda have the power of the water now, right?

16. The trees are chopped up so you automatically think someone doesn’t want you there.

17. Goddamn, I can’t even understand half their names. I seriously had to Google the majority of them to type them out correctly.

18. So the Cyclops sees through a monocular?

19. Why can’t the Cyclops just pull this sword out; it’d be like a splinter to him.

20. Perseus seems like he has a lot of dumb luck, not so much actual skill.

21. Subtitles for the Cyclops.

22. Perseus looks around like, why are the Cyclops bowing, then looks at the trident like, oh yeah. Fucking retard.

23. “You remind me of Aphrodite, she was my wife. Come with me.” Uhhh, ew no thanks.

24. What is this white shit all over Zeus now?

25. Ares hucking Perseus & all the fake rocks going flying.

26. More filming way too close on the characters during action scenes to cut back on detail & what’s really going on.

27. Tim Curry in ‘Legend’?

28. Just an hour & ½ of Sam Worthington getting beat the fuck up.

29. How is that Zeus’ dad, seriously.

30. Is this no different than the Kraken? My God, all this hype & no action. It’s taking him so long to move.

31. Andromeda: either let all of your hair down or pull it all back. In this action I would be irritated as fuck if my hair just had like, pieces in the way.

32. For slow Pegasus is, the movie will take like, 3 hours for him to get there.

33. Light the fires? They are MADE OF FIRE. Try new tactic, maybe? Water? Those things are a whirlwind of death.

34. Great, now we get to watch Ares pound Perseus’ head in for 5 minutes. I’m so entertained. Not really.

35. “Let’s have some fun.” Next scene we see them just sit there, drinking & smoking cigarettes.

36. I don’t think this ‘volcano’ can explode anymore. There shouldn’t be any more dirt left on top of it.

37. So where is the guardian of Tartarus throughout all of this? He’s not even in this movie at all.

38. “Kamehameha Kronos!” says Zeus.

39. Goddamn poor horse, flappin’ around up there in the lava.

40. Zeus just gained 10,000 years of power & now he’s about to lose it all over again trying to send out that power.

41. The horse should be a crisper since this is the second time it’s been marinated in lava.

42. Are you fucking kidding me???? JUST LIKE THE KRAKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It takes 5 minutes for it to finally show itself & Perseus kills it right away. Pathetic. God, I hate these two movies so fucking much.

43 What, were the soldiers just standing there, watching the whole time?

44. “Use your power wisely.” You don’t think I have already? Seriously?

45. Navigator- who wears short shorts & why’s he so Rastafarian? His accent is so out of place from every other actor.

46. Ooh hey Andromeda, I don’t know how you get clean so quickly.

47. Never having a previous relationship- this kiss is pretty awkward.

48. At least you’re here with me, I didn’t have to travel to get you, son.

49. “Take it, yeah just touch it. It’s heavy. Yeah it is. Is it too much?” Just close your eyes for this. Part of a gay porno right there.

50. Love the title at the end, makes it look epic.

FAIL.