Monthly Archives: October 2011
62 Reasons Why ‘Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon’ Sucked
2/Oct/2011
Current Thoughts: At least it shows killing people this time.
- Opened June 29, 2011 | Runtime:2 hr. 37 min.
- Information for parents: Common Sense Media says OK for kids 13+. Read More
- Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf) taking his first tenuous steps into adulthood while remaining a reluctant human ally of Optimus Prime. The film centers around the space race between the U.S.S.R. and the USA, suggesting there was a hidden Transformers role in it all that remains one of the planet’s most dangerous secrets. The villain of the third film will be Shockwave.
- Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro, Tyrese Gibson, Patrick Dempsey, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich
- Director: Michael Bay
- Genres: Sci-Fi Action, Alien Film, Action, Science Fiction
62 Reasons Why ‘Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon’ Sucked
1. We’ve already heard this speech from Optimus in the last 2 movies.
2. Teeny-tiniest font of the year & place- even for my TV.
3. Wow, Kennedy looks horrible! Keep him in black & white!
4. Just step on the moon already. I’ve seen way too many clips of rockets launching & people cheering in other movies & shows.
5. It looks pretty bright to be the dark side of the moon. You could totally see this shit through a telescope.
6. I’m already annoyed of her.
7. Little robot with weird hair- a mix between Beavis & Beetlejuice.
8. A Mexican Ferrari…
9. If this is an illegal nuke site, you’d think they wouldn’t be shooting grenade rocket thingies all over the place.
10. The vision on those masks aren’t THAT bad.
11. Noises this snake decepticon thing is making.
12. Shotgun shell sound when it’s actually a double barrel.
13. John Malcovich saying “What the fuck to that”.
14. “The honor is mine,” says Optimus. Psh, whatever.
15. Dude, DUDE, camera on Carly, camera on Patrick Dempsey, then back on Carly & her boobs are FUCKING HUGE now.
16. How’d they launch a ship from Earth without anyone knowing?
17. Pfft, Megatron’s cape thing.
18. Fucking Megatron- so irritating that he’s STILL alive.
19. This movie has so many different things going on at once. Point of the parents in this?
20. Bird decepticon salivating.
21. “Messin’ with the wrong Wang”
22. What a clusterfuck, this bird is. Fucking change to something more agile when you’re inside.
23. Who let him keep his weapons? You should have known he’d be dazed & confused when he awakens.
24. Fuck, I hate this woman.
25. 2 shitty little robots. Just like the last movie.
26. “He’s a hero.” What’s she looking at, the table?
27. How did Bumblebee get into her loft? They have big ass doors to fit a car in?
28. Fucking Bill O’Reilly.
29. Let’s quit playing with that outside of our bodies, Sentinel & Optimus.
30. I’m amazed this loft can even hold all this weight.
31. What’s with this sunburst on her? Who over is holding the gold reflector needs to back off a little bit.
32. So she gets into her car, giving Sam the rabbit foot. The autobots roll up & don’t smell decepticon???
33. Russian cosmonaut, it’s like he’s the only Russian actor out there.
34. Wtfing Predator hair decepticon.
35. You can tell the road damage is fake because the Ferrari is driving so smooth.
36. “Decepticon Punk.” Jesus Christ, good thing that business took the day off.
37. I still don’t understand why there are only like, 6 autobots total. In every movie.
38. When Patrick Dempsey says something like that, you’d probably just run, not get into the vehicle he gave you as a present. You should be cautious of all vehicles, regardless.
39. That was a slap, Dempsey, pretty gay & pathetic.
40. Sad slow Transformer theme music while being taken to the exile shuttle.
41. All this random music. A hint of ‘Boondock Saints’. Earlier it was ‘Inception’. Now what the hell is this piano shit?
42. “Seal off the city.” Doesn’t really look like they’re sealing it off. They’re just aimlessly slowing up building IN the city. And I thought they said they needed “6 billion people” to rebuild their planet, so why are they randomly killing people?
43. Luckily there’s this nice path for them to drive through.
44. Small school children gangs already?
45. Autobots blast down ship. Decepticon rips apart the cockpit to get out. After a bit the camera pans back to it & it’s completely intact.
46. That’s it on that plane Bumblebee is flying? Just those pathetic rounds at the building.
47. There’s still people running around in the city.
48. God, even after the crash, Sam has like, 18 billion lives.
49. I thought they said drones couldn’t get in? Who was flying that thing, it just flew onto the ship & the bird destroyed it. Like the guy looked away from aiming for a second.
50. And wtf, Bumbleebee’s ship gets damaged, flies down the road a bit, AND THEN crashes. So how is it this drone is right smack in front of them?
51. I love how these race cars popped up with all the sponsor stickers.
52. Flying squirrels dying/ Osprey crashing. What did they expect if drones couldn’t even get in? And why were there no armor jets escorting them?
53 Way too long of a scene, when the snake decepticon is destroying the building.
54. Her slide, and she’s still doing everything in heels.
55. Longest fuse every for this bomb while Sam is still attached his grappling hook.
56. Robots don’t take long to kill the old robot, but when it comes to Bumblebee, they take their sweet, perfect time, & of course, failed at killing him.
57. How’d they get so high, so quick?
58. He’s sliding on A-TACS now, instead of Crye, but nonetheless, sliding & shooting.
59. Sam jumps over 2 green 96-99 Mitsubishi Eclipses. Way to retardedly clip scenes together.
60. So our atmosphere didn’t get all fucked up because of that?
61. Sentinel has a beard, assuming because he’s really old like the last old robot in the 2nd movie. Is it because they age & “hair grows”? So Optimus & the others shave?
62. Even though she’s hairy & has toe thumbs, Megan Fox did SOOOO much better than this chick. It just doesn’t seem like they had a deep connection .
FAIL.
50 Reasons Why These Movies Suck 