Monthly Archives: July 2012
50 Reasons Why ‘Lockout’ Sucked
18/July/2012
Current Thoughts: I don’t think Guy Pearce smokes enough in this movie.
- Opened April 13, 2012 | Runtime:1 hr 35 min
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PG-13
Language, Intense Sequences of Violence, Intense Sequences of Action and Some Sexual References
- Information for parents: Common Sense Media says OK for kids 14+. Read More
- A man is wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. He’s offered his freedom if he can rescue the president’s daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.
- Cast: Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace, Vincent Regan, Joe Gilgun, Lennie James, Peter Stormare
- Directors: James Mather, Stephen Saint Leger
- Genres: Action/Adventure, Suspense/Thriller
50 Reasons Why ‘Lockout’ Sucked
1. Two wife insults in less than a minute into the movie. Fantastic.
2. I can’t even tell what’s going on with this fight, fucking camera can’t sit still.
3. Names & job title aren’t up on the screen long enough.
4. Agents just barge in & shoot the mattress & shoot up the room- not caring about anyone else in other rooms.
5. Cartoon CGI motorcycle thing chase.
6. The gun drops & shoots the cop. How convenient.
7. “Would you like to see it?” Well that’s why I’m up here on this space ship, right?
8. Shitty hand rails.
9. Was the black guy hiding that little gun on his leg? Why show that you are hiding your gun when you are already hiding it?
10. Guy is going through the Prisoner Stasis Procedure- happening the same time Maggie’s on MS1?
11. This little Scottish guy needs subtitles.
12. Hydell magically gets the Hock’s gun because he knows it’s there.
13. BAM random explosion.
14. Why would you follow what he’d say?
15. All these prisoners are supposed to be waking from a deep sleep & it’s THAT QUICK to recoop.
16. No containment at all. So what if it’s in space, it’s still a prison.
17. Are they ALL Scottish?
18. Why is Alex all of a sudden the big boss of the prisoners? Because all 500 know who he is & respect him… OK.
19. That one little button makes all the turrets go crazy.
20. And the architectural reasoning for MS1 being a claw-ball is???
21. Why is the escape pod not on the schematics? Do the employees at least know?
22. “What’s going on here? Who are you?!” Cliché.
23. Warren begins to tell the prisoners that she’s the president’s daughter. Why? That wouldn’t save him from dying. Retarded.
24. Alex doesn’t get rid of Hydell for being an obnoxious fuck face. They must be related.
25. Wounded woman- Perfect, we have one of those! Very convienent, super naïve.
26. I don’t understand how gravity is pulling Guy towards MS1.
27. Puts thing around prisoner’s neck & it apparently explodes. Too bad we couldn’t get an R rating so I could see half the shit that happens in this movie.
28. If Guy wasn’t talking so loudly into his mic that random prisoner wouldn’t have found him.
29. “What is that?” Cameras in places you wouldn’t normally have cameras.
30. Jesus, how many engineers do they have?
31. “Something happened, somehow she’s got more oxygen.” Ugh. Facepalm.
32. Harry Shaw talking to Snow, telling him where to go- not on a separate line from what the prisoners can hear.
33. Typical woman being rescued has to be a bitch. It’s not his job to be nice to you.
34. The goop was brown & it turned her blonde hair super black.
35. Walking through prisoners nonchalantly & she’s so obviously out of place with her head down.
36. I know she’s got painkillers but she’s moving awfully well for having a shot leg.
37. Eastern seaboard- Always an ocean- never in the middle of a continent.
38. How did she even get out of the pod without him noticing?
39. Loading gun towards her.
40. Common elevator issues.
41. Alex got stabbed in the stomach & is instantly dead.
42. Talk about JUST A MOVIE. No depth at all.
43. There is suddenly a shit ton of prisoners after them.
44. They just Death Starred the MS1. It’s bad enough this movie should be simply called “Escape From New York: In Space” they HAD to add something from Star Wars.
45. Skydiving that high up with no air to breathe.
46. In 2 seconds they fell to Earth- quicker than a real skydive.
47. I didn’t see a single FN SCAR up in space by the way, like on the cover. That was the whole reason why I watched this movie.
48. She’s such a good detective.
49. Guy can’t get a different shirt?
50. For the amount of times you used the lighter, Jesus. How did Frank know Guy was going to smoke that much that he’d run out of lighter fluid & go to check it? Wait, now the lighter works again?
FAIL.
50 Reasons Why ‘Chronicle’ Sucked
14/Jun/2012
Current Thoughts: “I’m not Akira! I am Tetsuo.”
- Opened February 3, 2012 | Runtime:1 hr 24 min
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PG-13
Some Language, Sexual Content, Intense Action and Violence, Teen Drinking and Thematic Material
- Information for parents: Common Sense Media says Iffy for 14+. Read More
- Andrew is a socially awkward, introverted teen whose main form of escape and expression is a video camera. But things begin to change when Andrew, his cousin Matt and popular classmate Steve discover a mysterious substance that leaves them with incredible powers. As their abilities become more powerful, the teens’ lives spin out of control when their darker sides begin to emerge. Andrew’s camera captures the unfolding events.
- Cast: Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan, Michael Kelly, Ashley Hinshaw, Bo Petersen, Anna Wood, Rudi Malcolm, Luke Tyler
- Director: Josh Trank
- Genres: Action/Adventure, Suspense/Thriller
50 Reasons Why ‘Chronicle’ Sucked
1. Of course: Drunk dad, emo kid.
2. “I bought a camera & I’m filming everything.” That wouldn’t stop me if I were drunk dada. I’d take it, smash it, ruin the tapes, etc.
3. Go figure, mom’s sick. How many other clichés can we add to this?
4. Crunching of chips. It’s so loud as if he’s wearing a mic.
5. Bullying the kid in front of a video camera. Idiots. Show that shit to your principle. Or the cops.
6. Slides the camera on the ground towards you. Why didn’t you catch it?
7. Not take the camera to a party? Kids would love that shit.
8. Shittiest light on that camera.
9. He acts like he’s never been hit by his dad before.
10. It always has to be that awkward huge camera, not a little flip cam.
11. So what if there is another person filming, and a girl. Does not mean you HAVE to fall in love with her.
12. It’s a rave- you can’t chit chat in there like they are.
13. He turns it off when he gets shit on his camera. But then he turns it on & cries on camera while he cleans it. Kill yourself.
14. Crazy moonlight.
15. This is way too nice to just be a hole in the ground, no fishers or anything.
16. “It’s messing with it.” He wouldn’t be able to tell if the sound was messing with the camera until he plays it back, when you are recording, you don’t hear the interference.
17. Positioning Matt & Steve- how about you just zoom out?
18. That was the worst CGI baseball. Wow & legos.
19. Cave sunk in. ZOOM OUT. People don’t ALWAYS have shit zoomed in.
20. The excuse for every POV movie… “I HAVE TO DOCUMENT.” Obnoxious.
21. There is such thing called a tripod. You don’t need to waste your powers.
22. Why is there a random leaf blower just sitting out in a school? Kids play with that shit. Janitors are smarter than that.
23. So stereotypical, having one token black kid.
24. He’s running for class president so he’s the most popular kid in school. No one is wondering why he suddenly stopped hanging out with his regular friends?
25. Why are they running away in the store?
26. Rain pouring perfectly but the camera is fine.
27. Why would it matter if he called the cops?
28. Cops don’t want to see the camera to see what happened?
29. They didn’t break their legs or anything when they landed like that?
30. Bro talk on top of the super tall building. No hardcore wind noise.
31. Her every two seconds, “How are they doing this?” Stfu.
32. How old is redhead? She looks like she’s in her mid 20’s.
33. Is that supposed to be jizz?
34. Dad & son are arguing & the camera is filming.
35. Asking Andrew what happened- waste of time.
36. Mound of dirt on Steve’s grave.
37. Getting all exciting in the junkyard.
38. Pretty sweet that he has no window pane.
39. Night time & that pharmacy is still open.
40. Firefighter outfit to rob people. Don’t stand out too much!
41. Can that happen? Was the shotgun loaded with EXPLOSIVES???
42. Who set up his camera in his hospital room & why? Did Andrew have a note in his pocket that said to do that?
43. Dude, nurses would have come in & told him to tone it down a bit.
44. Casey, for being a serious blogger- sucks at filming.
45. They wouldn’t tranquilize Andrew? Or shoot him?
46. This totally reminds me of ‘Akira’. Just the two of them, flying & fucking up buildings while Andrew looks like ass.
47. Somebody shoot this kid already.
48. I think you need more than just a beanie to be flying in this.
49. Yelling near some monks.
50. That’s nice, leaving the camera in Tibet. I’d just dump the tape.
FAIL.
50 Reasons Why ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance’ Sucked
29/Jun/2012
Current Thoughts: Well, at least his skull doesn’t look so tacky this time…
- Opened February 17, 2012 | Runtime:1 hr 36 min
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PG-13
Intense sequences of action and violence, some disturbing images and language
- Information for parents: Common Sense Media says Iffy for 13+. Read More
- While hiding out in Eastern Europe, Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage) must once again become the Ghost Rider when members of a secret church hire him to save a boy from Satan.
- Cast: Nicolas Cage, Ciarán Hinds, Violante Placido, Idris Elba, Johnny Whitworth, Fergus Riordan
- Directors: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor
- Genres: Action/Adventure, Horror, Sci-Fi/Fantasy
“”worlds darkest hero” i dont see it the Guy is a fucking walking torch”
Says isantamies2 on YouTube
50 Reasons Why ‘Ghost Rider 2’ Sucked
1. Eastern Europe without accents…
2. Fortress my ass. They were overtaken in less than a minute.
3. It’s been so long since the last movie that they have to recap.
4. Annoying style of filming. The cameraman is drunk.
5. Damage to vehicles that magically go away in the next shots.
6. She looks extremely trashy.
7. Horrible CGI rounds ejecting.
8. Why is he beating the car door when he could just strike the glass?
9. Wow. Shooting the gun towards the vehicle where the kid is in front of.
10. I’d be done just seeing the ghost rider. I couldn’t imagine bullets working.
11. “Hungry.” He sounds so sophisticated.
12. Suck his fucking soul already.
13. “Get some.” Seriously.
14. They have grenades on their pump action shotgun. Retarded.
15. Police would be walking into his room, or at least be more attentive.
16. She recognizes him by his clothes or what?
17. He can never play a nice, good role, huh?
18. Yes. We know you’ve got hand issues. No need to keep checking it out.
19. How’d she get to keep her gun?
20. Even though it’s not a real gun- it’s not loaded. Try harder or get a bigger budget.
21. Jerry Springer, the devil. How quirky. Not.
22. Always. Car crashes ALWAYS result in explosions.
23. “I’m not afraid of you.” “You should be.” Terrible dialogue.
24. Did Sam Raimi make this movie?
25. Mom & that butterfly knife.
26. So grenades are better than this bunker blaster thing?
27. It’d be so hot, people couldn’t stand right there. A little crazy.
28. I understood the “jackass” & “I’m dead” part, no need for subtitles.
29. “What’d you do to me?” Made you albino. That’s the worst.
30. His bike sounds like the truck is going like 10mph.
31. Speaking of noise, the engine noises throughout this movie aren’t even what the engines should be making.
32. You know… they do sell a thing called “paper”.
33. Spirit of Justice, Pegasus, yeah, let’s have a montage. We’re about due for one.
34. The fake lighting on them in the wine room.
35. Perfect timing, always right before the blade of death.
36. Says they are in Turkey now. This isn’t the type of movie that I really care where they are.
37. His voice is so annoying.
38. Typical priests & their crazy armory.
39. Politicians are the devil’s soldiers. Not goth kids.
40. This over used kid prophecy idea. Ugh.
41. I don’t see her ejecting rounds like she should be.
42. So what does it look like from a normal person’s view when he is decaying people?
43. Turned into Robert Dinero.
44. Cage takes way too much time turning into Ghost Rider.
45. It became daylight out in less than 30 seconds.
46. This kid sure is out cold a lot.
47. Ghost Rider & Decay guy are fighting on the vehicle. She’s so close behind when the truck is smoking & on fire. At one point she wouldn’t be able to see or breathe.
48. Can’t really decay something when it’s already dead… right?
49. “Roadkill” Ghost Rider’s retarded one word sayings.
50. Dude, don’t hold the kid. Singe all of his hair off & give him facial third degree burns.
FAIL.
50 Reasons Why ‘Gone’ Sucked
31/May/2012
Current Thoughts: Police officers should avoid this movie. It makes them look like retarded assholes.
- Opened February 24, 2012 | Runtime:1 hr 35 min
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PG-13
Drug References, Brief Language, Some Sexual Material and Violence and Terror
- Information for parents: Common Sense Media says Iffy for 14+. Read More
- In the chilling suspense thriller GONE, Jill Parrish (Amanda Seyfried) comes home from a night shift to discover her sister Molly has been abducted. Jill, having escaped from a kidnapping a year before, is convinced that the same serial killer has come back and taken Molly. Since the killer leaves no trace, the police don’t have any evidence and can’t help her. Afraid that Molly will be dead by sunrise, Jill sets out alone on a nail-biting chase to come face-to-face with the killer. Will she have enough time to find and outwit him, expose his secrets and save her sister?
- Cast: Amanda Seyfried, Daniel Sunjata, Jennifer Carpenter, Sebastian Stan, Wes Bentley
- Director: Heitor Dhalia
- Genres: Psychological Thriller, Thriller
50 Reasons Why ‘Gone’ Sucked
1. Why’s she wearing a sweatshirt? It’s so green.
2. She’s sitting at the table which is only dry where she’s sitting AND she obviously has a softbox over her head. I can tell where this movie is going. Ugh.
3. I think she had a bra on in the shower. Her boobs were too smooth & she’s a droopy kind of girl. Those were perky.
4. That poor door hinge area.
5. Everyone else gets to park close to the restaurant, why does she have to walk so far?
6. She doesn’t lock every single one of her locks once she gets inside. What’s the point?
7. She’s so paranoid, but leaves her gun on the counter. No holster?
8. Keep fingering everything in there, the police won’t have any way to get prints.
9. You already had the VW, why would you go to the pos Saab?
10. I know they don’t trust her, but they won’t even write out a simple report? Not even a single piece of paper?
11. Really rude woman neighbor. I don’t talk to my neighbors but I know if I needed to, they wouldn’t be assholes.
12. Omg girl & your car chase lol. You know how slow that was filmed? Over dramatic.
13. Is that gum? LOL, This dialogue is ridiculous.
14. “Just watch me.” Yeah, you floor that Saab!
15. “I won’t do her again.” What, are we 16?
16. I bet this movie would have gone straight to DVD if Amanda Seyfried wasn’t in it.
17. So there’s really no point to this “nice” (creepy) cop. He’s just awkwardly there.
18. Damn, she sure can run. And far too… really far.
19. God, she’s like the best improve liar ever.
20. “Rapey eyes” Love that phrase.
21. I’m bored with the one dimensional characters.
22. Her & this gun. Just shoot from your pocket.
23. In her flashback, she’s fucking around in some REALLY soft looking dirt. I’d be digging foot holes.
24. Cat cry for added suspense.
25. Bored of this routine of her lying & finding more clues so easily. Very redundant.
26. It’s always the Ford Broncos just sittin’ around.
27. That’s the nicest dirt ever. I bet it’s Oreo cookies.
28. This is about the 4th time I’ve thought ‘haven’t I seen this before?’
29. I think this is the first time she’s even seen these kids in her life. They don’t act well together. I can definitely tell they are not her real children.
30. That was retarded, don’t drive like an ass when you are being sought out.
31. They obviously didn’t have enough in the budget to crash any vehicles.
32. The cops have nothing better to do than to try & stop her. There’s seriously NOTHING else going on in the city?
33. She’s the master of illusion.
34. Amanda (as the actor) seemed like she forgot her lines or was at a loss when she said “Wow, the Conway girl.”
35. My phone would either have not had this great of service AT ALL or it would have not dropped the call conveniently before seeing the killer.
36. And the point of the dad & girl story….
37. “There’s no service out here.” You sound like Frank from ‘Donnie Darko’.
38. She’s freaking out that she lost service. Just back up like, 3 feet & call him back.
39. Pretty pathetic that she’s being lured by a cell phone.
40. The moonlight is so bright that I wouldn’t have even had the flash light on. Plus I can be sneakier that way.
41. No depth to the killer. How could anyone be scared of this guy?
42. I love how everyone gets out of this duct tape so quickly.
43. Wow that’s really red.
44. She’s better at shooting & driving than a police officer!
45. He’s trapped in a hole & she’s able to shoot him in the knee perfectly from that distance. It’s like she did combat training.
46. Shooting, yes ok, self-defense. Kerosene- NO. You are going to jail now.
47. How was this guy successful with killing just ONE girl? He’s apparently killed so many & she easily just axed him.
48. Detective Lonsdale- also a pointless character. And she has stringy hair.
49. “It was all in my head.” Well they can still arrest her for everything else she did!
50. They should definitely arrest her now that they have a map & prints.
FAIL.
50 Reasons Why These Movies Suck 