50 Reasons Why “Tron: Legacy” Sucked

5/Mar/2011

Current Thoughts: It’s like Judge Dredd’s World

  

Why is it that Disney always has a way to traumatize small children by showing them movies of kids being separated by their parents (Bambi, The Lion King, Dumbo, etc? There is a long list…) And I love how in every movie that deals with a big company- the corporations are ALWAYS put into the wrong hands. WHY, WHY, WHY?

 

P.S. See the bottom of the page for shits n’ giggles.

 

Tron: Legacy 3D

• Opened December 17, 2010 | Runtime:2 hr. 7 min.
• PG

  Sequences of sci-fi action violence and brief mild language

• “Tron: Legacy” is a 3D high-tech adventure set in a digital world that’s unlike anything ever captured on the big screen. Sam Flynn (Garrett Hedlund), the tech-savvy 27-year-old son of Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges), looks into his father’s disappearance and finds himself pulled into the same world of fierce programs and gladiatorial games where his father has been living for 25 years. Along with Kevin’s loyal confidant (Olivia Wilde), father and son embark on a life-and-death journey across a visually-stunning cyber universe that has become far more advanced and exceedingly dangerous.
• Cast: Jeff Bridges, Garrett Hedlund, Olivia Wilde
• Director: Joseph Kosinski
• Genres: Action/AdventureSci-Fi/Fantasy

 

50 Reasons Why “Tron: Legacy” Sucked

 

1. What are all these TVs doing sitting in this rather large room?

 

2. Putting a digitized Jeff Bridges just made this cheesy from the start. He looks too creepy/pedophile-like.

 

3. Why is this kid’s room right in the front of the house, so unsafe. Did he just go out that door, of course he did. That’s why kids can’t have their rooms right there.

 

4. And this is why bikes get bad reps; because they drive like douches and kids think that’s cool.

 

5. That red blinking security thing is so old school. Why didn’t that security guard call for backup? If this is such a major company, why the hell did they only hire one guard?

 

6. It should be very fucking windy on top of that building.

 

 

7. This is base jumping, not skydiving. There is no pull away tab.

 

8. What flashlight is that, Surefire? Jesus, it’s so bright and small. I like how he’s carrying around a flashlight.

 

9. How is there still power to this place? You see the timer running on the desktop that’s been on for 20 years. Who the hell is paying for this massive electricity bill?

 

 

10. Why is the future or futuristic stuff always so grim and dim?

 

11. How is this inefficient flying machine moving forward- the slight lean? I doubt that.

 

 

12. This is also very inefficient, the 4 slowly moving robotic Playboy bunnies, putting shit on him.

 

 

13. The disc looks like it could get caught up on a lot of things. Maybe they should have made little usb ports instead.

 

14. Why do you have eye protection if you get cut in half anyways?

 

 

15. Aren’t their disc thingies supposed to be lit up at all times?

 

16. I like the lightning/storm and fireworks. You would think that would mean bad things are happening to the electronics in this world. Like someone got water on something.

 

17. This baldish guy, lol. “I just want to cover my face, not my ears or back of the head.”

 

18. Why doesn’t Sam just use the other guy’s motorcycle stick thing?

 

19. “Get in!” Dude, you’re stalling. You are wearing white, this car is white, that means you’re on the same team. I wouldn’t even think twice about it. There are only two colors in this world.

 

 

20. “They can’t go off terrain.” “What about us?” “Obviously.” WHY IS THIS EVEN IN THE SCRIPT?????

 

21. I’m a little apprehensive right now because my first dad just tried to kill me, so sorry you’re not getting a big hug.

 

22. So I haven’t seen you in 20 years and you want to wait until dinner to talk?????

 

23. You can tell what daddy has a fetish for. Latex.

 

24. How are they getting food, this whole food situation doesn’t make any sense. Even if it’s electronic, at that point why would you even need it?

 

25. This movie is way too dependent on visual effects… hey! Just like “Skyline”!

 

26. “Clu saw the isos as an imperfection.” Like Jews. “Killed them off like genocide.” Like Jews! Jesus, Disney.

 

27. What is this little pool of water for- ambiance? Retarded zen-themed cave condo you have here.

 

 

28. Great meeting dad, I’ll just go then since you’re being a little bitch.

 

29. Good thing I wasn’t already out of my one-sie when you walked in without asking.

 

30. Sure, whatever Daft Punk puts out is good, but why did everyone freak over this soundtrack? It’s “meh”. And there they are, in the movie. Of course.

 

 

31. This growling black stig is so annoying. Any time the camera pans to him, he has to make some sort of growl/purr noise.

 

32. You think that’s Hypnotic? Like, that’s all they’re allowed to drink in this world?

 

33. This Gem chick can’t decide which side of Castrol she wants to be on. Left, right, left, right.

 

34. Why does there always have to be some woman crying somewhere in a fight scene?

 

35. If they are freaking out so bad that Clu is going to show up in the real world and create havoc, can’t they just get there first and shoot him in the face when he pops up? It’s so simple.

 

36. Every time Jeff Bridges shows up in a scene, I just want to give him a few razor blades. Or a gun for quickness. Just kill yourself, dude.

 

37. Wait, she just woke up. There’s no way that she would know that Clu got the disc.

 

38. “Out there is our victory!” Unenthusiastic “Yay.” Dude, turn around and talk to them. Why do the villains always have to give their speeches facing the opposite direction?

 

39. That was the worst part of the movie, “Radical man!”

 

40. So dramatic- look through the empty disc area at the ship flying away.

 

41. This thing is just like the Millennium Falcon.

 

 

42. “Have a nice swim!” *facepalm*

 

43. “It’s jammed!” No, it’s not working because it was shot at.

 

44. I like how the Tron character was barely even in this, lol. They should have called this movie “Flynn” instead.

 

45. I really just sat through all that bullshit about how epic the digital future is going to be, all for them to fight it out on a ledge?

 

46. Talk about Supernova go pop. Why didn’t he just do that before?

 

47. Mortal Kombat? That’s early 90’s, wtf.

 

48. How’d she get clothes? Did they go shopping really quick?

 

49. Way to barf out an ending, btw.

 

50. They’re really going slow on this motorcycle. Their hair is barely blowing in the wind…

 

FAIL.