50’s That I Won’t Post Because They Suck That Bad

We will be compiling a list of movies here that we have reviewed but we will NOT be posting due to the sheer stupidity of the movie and that we KNOW none of you would want to read. Now, if you demanded that we post one of these, we will, but we would call you a dumbass at the same time. New movies will be added to this list as time goes on.

As of 16/Apr/2014:

50’s That We Won’t Post Because They Suck That Bad

The Beaver (2011) 

The Main Problem With This Movie:

How incredibly SLOWWWW it was, and then how they magically spewed out an ending.

I hate how everyone online said to watch this movie because it teaches you about severe depression. There are a fuck ton of other movies out there that have done a better job than this. And wtf, I like how within one day, he’s gotten so well at doing things with one hand.

Triangle (2009)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

My ultimate hell would be watching this twice. It’s one of those ‘scenes that need to be played over and over’ type of film, kinda like ‘Groundhog Day’. The problem is that unlike ‘Groundhog Day’, where you get closure, this movie just decides to keep looping pointlessly.

Autumn (2009)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

I got this from Redbox. Yeah sure, they’ve got some B-rated movies in there, but WTF is this shit? This seems like the director is actually still in film school, like just out of high school. I could have made this same EXACT movie with my digital camera and the ‘record video’ button with a group of friends. Such shit. As for the plot, just another typical zombie movie.

Armored (2009)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

Great choice in actors but who the hell thought this plot was good? Sure, maybe for an action movie, I guess at some point that could make sense but it wasn’t played out well at all.

The Road (2009)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

Well, the first 6 hours of this movie you are listening to the boy whine about shit and watch them walk a lot. Then in the end, The dad dies and the boy’s last question is “What shall I do?” Are you kidding me? Viggo spent all that goddamned time trying to teach this kid and he apparently learned nothing.

Possession (2009)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

From the cover I was expecting “horror/thriller” but this is more like a slow crappy love story. And the title? No possessions whatsoever. No supernatural anything going on.

Harry Brown (2010)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

Ok, ok, so I lost this 50, it’s not that it sucked that bad. It’s because I just don’t want to have to re-write up a 50 so it’s going here so that I can keep it short and simple. Not that bad, just could have ended a hell of a lot sooner than it did. There were plenty of times where HB could have easily gotten revenge but decided to waste more time.

The Ghost Writer (2010)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

This would have been a BADASS 50, but this was, I guess, kicking it with Harry Brown and together got lost forever. This one we had a lot of fun watching and talking about so ultimately I hate to put it in this section but like above, I’m not really wanting to 50 it all over again. Yes, this movie has a flaw. A big one. Unlike ‘Burn After Reading’ where the movie really has no point, but you actually loved it anyway after it ended- this movie does the same but leaves you feeling, “why the fuck did I sit here and watch this then????” Quirky ending, but not worth it at all. You think he gets everything situated but then he has to go and die, leaving the secret with the one person who it was about to begin with. Very retarded.

My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done (2010)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

K, this one DEFINITELY needs to be on this list. What was I thinking getting a David Lynch film? Well, I wasn’t looking for a movie to 50, I was strolling around the new releases at Blockbuster for a nice film to just sit down and enjoy. I picked this up, read the back, looked at the front, and missed the bottom part where it says “The mystery isn’t who, but why” because Blockbuster has to put their huge shit logo all over the damn thing. If I would have seen that part I would have known to put this back. And plus you would think since Willem Dafoe’s in it, the movie wouldn’t be too bad. ‘Dazzling and utterly distinctive’? Distinctive yes, dazzling, no, you just said dazzling because the coo-coo-bat shit retarded actor in the film said the word ‘dazzling’ a few times. ‘Inspired by a true story’. Yeah maybe, but the true story couldn’t have possibly taken that long to go down. Fucking, I never thought I would say this but, ERASERHEAD WAS BETTER THAN THIS. And you all should know how I feel about that movie. (If not you can learn here)

Here’s the deal: CHLOE SEVIGNY, Yeah, I’m talking to you. Why the fuck do you always have this face?

Even Willem Dafoe is like ‘dude, wtf’

Ugh.

Splice (2010)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

Hip techno music and splicing montage. Ugh. You probably fell onto this link because you’re into science or because you like Adrien Brody. I didn’t think he could make a bad film until I decided to have an ‘Adrien Brody Film Weekend’ and rented ‘Splice’ and ‘Giallo’. WORST FILMS WITH ADRIEN BRODY.

The Last Airbender (2010)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

This was “pretty” yes, but it was SOOO long. And the story was rushed. Wait, what, I’m confused now. Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t understand. They took so much time character developing and visualizing shit that the actual concept & story was pushed aside. I also did not know this was a two-parter. I was totally wondering when I’d get to see the candle scene like in the trailer. What a jipp.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010)

The Main Problem With This Movie:

Actually bringing in Fantasia. Multiple times. Not like they have to pay copyrights or anything since it’s Disney.

Let’s watch Nic Cage have hair because that’s all he wants to be paid for now. That long, flowing, receeding hairline…